Dear fellow SCL-ers,Greetings from Hucklebucktopia an undisclosed location. Hucklebucktopia was hit hard by Hurricane Ike, so my wife and I have evacuated to higher ground. Thankfully our house did not flood.Jon asked me to fill in while he was out. It is an honor to fill in for such a great writer. Today's post is like those "special episodes" of your favorite TV show. Not like a "special episode of Blossom," but special as in "let's take a look back at some of our favorite moments from previous shows." Last week we talked about the Christian version of Guitar Hero. So here is my idea for a Christian version of Grand Theft Auto.
Grand Theft Auto: XianGrand Theft Auto is a controversial game that allows you to rise up in the criminal underworld. Not to be outdone, Grand Theft Auto: Xian lets you rise up through the Christian subculture. After all, just because we are Christians doesn't mean that we don't love our share of action, adventure, and mature themes. The ultimate goal of GTA: Xian is to be the senior pastor of a giga-church. (A giga-church is just like a mega-church only a thousand times bigger.) To win you will have to progress through 5 levels.Level 1 - Seeker Objective: Get inside without being noticed.Challenges: Sit in the wrong pew and it's "game over." (Just like in real life.)Tips: Clapping during the second verse is a dead giveaway that you're a newbie.Level 2 - VBS LeaderObjective: Master the underground business of bootlegging cookies.Challenges: Defeat the orange-armed woman.Tips: The glare from the pastor's white legs can be blinding.
Level 3 - Youth PastorObjective: Drive the kids to the water park and back safely in the church van. Pick the cool van for extra points.Challenges: Confronting the visitor girl who doesn't know to wear shorts and an XXL t-shirt over her tankini.Tips: Use lots of slang and fast moves. Seriously fo' shizzle really reals.
Cheat Code: Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A Select Start. Use this move to call out bears from the woods.Level 4 - Associate PastorObjective: Show the Christian ganstas that you've got what it takes to be The Don.
Challenges: Put the smackdown on the members of the ruling families.
Tips: If the crowd gets restless, throw a handful of Skittles at them. If attacked, hide behind the drummer's fishbowl. It's made of bulletproof glass.Level 5 - Senior PastorObjective: World domination...for the Lord.Challenges: Is is Mayer or is it The Message? Better know for sure before you hit the pulpit.Tips: You'll need every skill you've got. Leg drops, side hugs, and razzle dazzle. Use sign language to summon the worship eagle. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Look for GTA: Xian in a Christian and/or family bookstore near you. Promotional products will be available in kids' meals at Chick-Fil-A. We also suggest you plan a pizza blast to promote the game.Leg hugs and side drops,Huck